


I Hope That You'll Remember Me

by hummingrightalong



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Daaron mentioned, Ezekus, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2020-02-27 08:10:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18735055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hummingrightalong/pseuds/hummingrightalong
Summary: Jesus makes a choice for himself for once.Post time-skip Season 9





	I Hope That You'll Remember Me

The first thing he does is find Tara. Before he’s even finished packing for the trip he has a list and a letter to give her. As well as everything he’s leaving behind. There’s something he wants to say to everyone, but he can’t. Not because he can’t face it, not completely. 

He keeps telling himself this is temporary. A friend needs him. He’s been planning this trip since he heard Carol was back in town. Permanently. He doesn’t have a question for her, friendly words or advice. This time it’s over and he can tell without talking to either of them. Zeke needs a friend right now. Somebody outside of it all but who gets it.

But first, it’s his responsibility to care for this place. Maggie left it to him. She’s gone for good too. He knows that, despite her vague updates in those upbeat letters. 

‘Any day now.’ 

‘Ran into a little snag.’ 

‘I like it here.’ 

And then there’s someone else. Someone who almost made him stay. But he still hasn’t worked past his loss, and devotes every bit of his love and attention to that little girl. If that’s what he needs, that’s what he should have. At some point Paul realized he couldn’t wait around forever, and maybe they weren’t meant to be at all. Maybe every little private moment where something had happened or almost happened wasn’t enough to keep him around here waiting, going through the motions and coming to almost hate his duty for various of reasons. 

There was a time when he wouldn’t have thought this was fair. What about fair to himself? Not sure when he’d gotten that attitude, but the few people close to him might say it was about time. 

“You’re not coming back are you? Just tell me. Don’t be like Maggie, just say it.”

“Maggie didn’t mean to stay gone,” a hand on her shoulder doesn’t comfort her but she doesn’t push it away. “You can do this. In case I don’t return, for any reason. No different than when I’m on a long run.” 

“Where the hell will you go?” Tara. Straight to the point. Opinionated. Strong. She has all the leadership qualities. If she just channels a bit of Maggie’s softness, she’ll be perfect. 

“I’ll be safe.”

“That’s not what I’m asking.” She studies him, as if the she can find the answer he doesn’t quite have yet. “Should we leave? Is something coming? You’d better not be going after her. Is...wait, is there someone? Finally?

Jesus gives nothing away, not with his eyes. He holds her, and each of his hugs feels like forever but to her it feels more like the end. “Take care of them.” It goes unsaid, but he hopes that if Maggie comes back Tara makes her stay- if she hasn’t found happiness there. 

He hopes that someone makes Daryl stay. He’s just gotten back, empty handed, and following Aaron back to the house. Gracie jumps into his arms as if she remembers him. As if he hasn’t mostly been gone for six years. An arm around Aaron’s shoulders is more than an apology coming from Daryl. It lingers there, Aaron pretending he’s not looking hopefully. It’s clear he’s trying like hell not to ask if he’s back for good. 

Good for them. Even if it’s not, after all this time, going to turn into something more, they’re the closest and the best of friends. He’s not going to say goodbye. Not to them. He doesn’t want to interrupt this moment, and they’ll find his letters if he stays gone.

***  
He’ll find the letter the next day, and it’ll be up to him how quickly he delivers the others. Jesus knows he’ll have to say it, because Daryl won’t accept that he could be the reason this remains a success.

Daryl:  
This is yours now. I told Tara to take care of it, but we both know what they need is you. They’re mostly your people these days. Don’t get me wrong, that’s not why I know you’re the man for this.   
I’m sorry Rick is gone, and we all understand why you left. It’s not going to fix anything though. Even if he is out there, you need to be here. The community needs you. Michonne needs a reality check, sorry but she does. Most importantly; I didn’t know it until just now but, Aaron needs you too.   
I know that all matters to you more than you care to let on. Don’t do that to yourself, and certainly not to them. I’m not cut out for this, you are. Take my word for it.   
Jesus loves you.

 

If he stays gone.

It was always ‘if’, with anyone he needed to catch up with before he rode out with enough supplies to make it to the Kingdom, his knives and a staff in case there was more dead on the road than he couldn't outrun or knock down and crush with a boot.

Some weight he hadn’t known he’d been holding falls away the longer he rides. Never stopping, he makes it to the gates by nightfall. How he’s done that makes little sense. The guards let him in easily, even though he doesn’t often make these trips himself. Trade drops, and messages, are delivered halfway between communities. 

Whoever’s idea that was accepted a fact he never would. That their territories were fractured. That the decisions made at the end of the Savior War, the bridge and Rick’s loss, had turned them all against each other and they only mingled when it was necessary. 

Sad. He should’ve done something sooner. That wasn’t in him, though. He wasn’t a leader and never would be. Ezekiel was. The way Alexandria and Hilltop were barely clinging to...whatever the vision was. If they were operating on something Rick left with them, they missed the mark. It wasn’t what he would have wanted. And if it was, Jesus wanted no part of it. 

It had taken him this ride to realize that. That, yes, he was here to make sure that after all of Zeke’s loses, Carol abruptly calling an end to their marriage wouldn’t be the nail in the coffin. Jesus had this pervading sense of dread for himself. 

Inside the walls he already felt more at ease, admired the way the King had kept the integrity of this place even after all he’d lost. He tries not to think of the faces that should be greeting him. 

There’s really only a few that matter. 

Jerry gives him a big hug, introduces him to yet another member of his growing brood. He’s too polite to ask but he thinks Nabila might be pregnant again. 

“Throne?”

“Hell no, not since she left. Haven’t seen much of him, unless the Kingdom really needed it.”

“Shit.” Jerry smiles in spite of the dire situation. Nothing ever brings Zeke down, not for long. Even losing most of his kids, his devoted soldiers, he’d bounced back and been an inspiration, saved lives. He’d certainly saved Carol from herself. “Why?”

“I got ideas man, but basically, to hell with her. Try and get him on the same page, buddy.”

“How about just ‘better’?” 

“Something tells me you got that covered.” Damn it, Jerry. Not so soon. Maybe not ever. Jesus was ready to accept that, as well as he knew they’d nearly had the kind of relationship that you never forget. The one problem then, raising his kids with him, wouldn’t be a problem anymore. Henry was old enough now, practically a man. He’s the next to hunt down the outsider. 

“You’re here for dad?”

“Hear he won’t talk to anyone.” He’s already being led to the private rooms where Zeke and his family stay. From this vantage point he can see the big window, remembers looking out late at night, catching the clean pleasant scent of the Kingdom. It always felt so removed from the rest of the world. Even when the Saviors caught on to the place, they couldn’t corrupt it, not completely. They could take everything from Zeke, and as long as he had his wall and the villagers, there’d be something beautiful to rebuild with. 

In all these years his people had kept the dream alive. He’d be damned if he let some woman, who knew herself their love affair wouldn’t last, destroy a life that was bigger than this world and the people that survived so far.

***

He finds the King lying in bed, a book propped up, and for once he isn’t draped in fineries and flaunting his free spirit. As shallow as it sounds, finding King Ezekiel clothed in his own chambers, especially in bed, spelled disaster. He was depressed.

“Hey. Heard you needed a shoulder to cry on. And looking at you...well, I hope I’m not too late.”

Maybe the smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes, but he calls out the name that’s forever amused him with the usual enthusiasm. “I still have my Kingdom.”

“You always say that. This time, do you mean it?”

“Perhaps not yet. If we’re being honest. But it’s good to see you here. Tell me this visit is social, and not more terrible news.”

Jesus explains the state of things at home, how he’s prepared to stay. “I hope you’ll take me. I should’ve accepted the first time. Even if it’s too late for...anything else. I’m here.”

“I never believed this darkness would pass.”

“I think it’s good to give it time, you loved her much longer than you loved me. Then again, I have seen so many people waste so long in mourning, or just trying to get a piece of the old world back. Just knowing this place exists has always given me hope.”

“Much like she never completely gave over her heart, when she believes it could belong to another man-” Jesus realizes exactly then why Carol left. Daryl. He can’t help but be angry, and yet a bit amused, that she doesn’t know Daryl well enough to see why that could never happen. “I always kept a place here for you. Never did I resent you, I understand the responsibility of fatherhood is a weight not all are prepared to bear.” It is left unsaid, but even Zeke has come to resent Carol for having no trouble at all becoming someone’s mother only to leave. At least Jesus understood his limits and tried like hell not to hurt more in the process. 

“It’s easier know,” Jesus slides the book out of the way, throws back the covers. “It’s been a long ride. I’m exhausted.”

“Sleep,” Zeke commands, loosely wrapping his arms around Jesus. “We’ll dream of our future.”

“I have, so many times.” He wants to give the King something, anything, to promise that he can have what they couldn’t so many years ago. “Paul. When it’s just the two of us.” He feels the King smile against his shoulder as they relax in the embrace. 

Knowing the way they were, the men they were, they could easily carry on from where they left off like it had never ended.


End file.
